Self-Titled Debut Blog

Still going....

2007-10-09T10:08:00.001-04:00

You heard it here first: Spirit is now the nerdiest rover ever, having survived 1337 sols wandering around Mars.

Hey there, Plain White Tees,

2007-08-27T10:36:00.000-04:00

Heed this bit of career advice.

Tell radio stations to stop playing your hit single, "Hey there Delilah," so frequently. The song is not bad, but I hear it while scanning through my radio stations at least once per commute, and sometimes up to four times per day. Any song, no matter how good, becomes infuriatingly irritating when heard that frequently. I'm afraid I'm already a lost cause, but you have many more listeners out there who have not fallen victim yet. Don't let them.

Sincerely,
Thrillho

Number of people that were alive during the last two comings of Halley's comet: millions

2007-08-23T15:23:00.000-04:00

Number of people who were alive the last time this happened: at least 76. Including this woman. It's probably safe to say that none of them remember.

Edit: As soon as I published this post, I noticed a freaky coincidence: 76 is the length in years of Halley's comet! Okay, it's only a coincidence because I chose that as the comparison, but nevertheless, it freaked my mind (it doesn't help that Criss Angel is my office-mate).

Follow-up to the Beatles post

2007-08-22T08:47:00.001-04:00

I just wanted to comment that, not surprisingly, after I made that post, I googled the band names and there were numerous instances of people coming up with the same idea. Almost. The typical text went something like, "John, Paul, George and Gringo. I think he's probably Gringo, he's so f-ing mexican." Or, "A new beat combo by the name of the Beetles attended the party. John, Paul, George and Gringo. Most talented and intelligent was definitely Gringo, who oddly enough didn't look Mexican."

Okay, "something like" turned into "exactly like." The point is, I think it's sadly hilarious that Mexico has an ethnic slur for Americans, and we're too dumb to realize it, and what's more, we think it's our ethnic slur for them. I must admit I thought the same thing until just a few years ago, when I was appalled that a commercial product (of which you probably have heard) could get away with the name "Green Mountain Gringo." I was like, "what, they think that because Vermont is so far away from Mexico that nobody would notice?" Then I looked it up.

New Product Idea

2007-08-22T08:41:00.001-04:00

I was struck quite amusedly by this quote from the Red Sox's manager regarding last night's game: "When you get something from 1 through 9 [hitters], it enhances your chances to win." You can probably guess the key phrase here is "enhances your chances."

I think that he has stumbled across an ingenious slogan, and he should use it to market a new male fragrance.

Terry Francona's Mysterry:
Enhance Your Chance

I think that

2007-08-14T08:55:00.000-04:00

There should be a Mexican Beatles cover band.
But one of them should be American.
They would be named

...wait for it.....

John,
Paul,
George,
and
Gringo.

This is why the phrase "bat-shit insane" was coined:

2007-08-10T09:59:00.000-04:00

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/offbeat/2007/08/10/vo.russia.cat.lady.reut

(Sorry, I don't know how to embed cnn clips, if it's possible.)

A short one to get back in the game

2007-08-08T09:53:00.000-04:00

Phoenix launch:

FUBAR.

2007-07-19T13:05:00.000-04:00

Sorry, but this whole thing is just bizarre. Who's to say in another few days we won't be seeing a headline, "Chinese government accused of claiming cardboard buns story fake, to assuage concerns over Chinese food imports. I mean really, can you believe anything you read in the news? Probably not. Not even the first sentence in this headline. But that last sentence is safe to believe."

"I couldn't believe that they all fit in my stomach."

2007-07-10T16:45:00.000-04:00

I don't know what else there is to say.

Let's take a moment to revisit one of the best videos of all time

2007-07-08T12:47:00.000-04:00

Fatboy Slim / "Weapon of Choice":

Breaking news

2007-07-04T11:30:00.001-04:00

First, I swear that day 5 will be forthcoming shortly. Sorry!

But I would just like to inform you of this hilarious happening. I went to cnn.com (why do I still do that?) and I saw this headline: 5 die in dairy farm manure pit. Okay, the deaths are not hilarious. What is hilarious is that when I glanced at the headline, I read it thusly: "5 die in hairy armpit maneuver."

Soon, day 5, I promise. But some (catmonster, I'm looking in your direction. Also, Cypress Hill.) have been even more delinquent!

Day 4

2007-06-08T14:10:00.000-04:00

The next day was a day off in the sense that we did not have anything planned in advance. So after eating breakfast, we headed out to go to the Santa Maria Novella church. Here there were no pictures allowed at all, so you get none to see. There were basically a lot of old and very large paintings, of a religious persuasion. No surprise there.

After that, we walked around trying to find the Cappelle Medici (The Medici Chapels) and more specifically the museum attached. I have seen relics before, but in most cases, the relic itself is a teeny tiny piece of bone, no larger than a large snowflake. However, the relics here were often entire bones (hand or foot bones, presumably - at least they weren't femurs), extracted from the dead. I thought to myself: this is how I want to be memorialized. Again, I think we weren't allowed to take pictures, but I'm not sure I would have wanted to even if we could. Above the relic room was a large chapel with 6 of the more important Medici members entombed in enormous marble caskets. In fact, the entire room was made out of all different kinds of marble; it was amazing. Unfortunately, the room was in the process of being cleaned, so we weren't able to get the full effect, but nonetheless it was impressive.

Looking at all those bones really worked up our appetites, so we then headed over to the indoor market to look around and get some food for lunch. If you've ever wanted to see a skinned rabbit sliced into halves lengthwise, this is the destination for you. In addition to meats of all kinds (including tripe, I think) there were breads, fruits, pastas, candy, and lots of porcini mushrooms. I have never seen a larger pile of fungi in my life.

We got some bread and dried fruit to eat for lunch, and then went back towards the hotel to eat it. After lunch, we went out to do some souvenir shopping. I don't that we did anything else substantial in terms of tourism, though we did stop by the Piazza Della Repubblica to look at the statues. Here is a picture of the David which is in said Piazza. Note that this is not the real David. Also note: NSFWIYBIAUT!

After getting all our shopping done, we went out to a nice dinner at a restaurant whose name now I can't remember. But it was good. Expensive, but good (we felt compelled to a) order a bottle of wine and b) order firsti, secondi, and desserti). When we got back to the hotel, mi esposa fell asleep while I watched snooker on ESPN Euro (or whatever it's called). Snooker is quite addicting to watch, in case you didn't know.

Day 5: Wine tasting!

Day Trey

2007-05-25T13:25:00.000-04:00

On the third day, we went on an excursion to the Cinque Terre ("Five lands" or something similar) region of the northwestern coast, which is essentially the national "park" that encompasses the five villages from which the name is derived. We (that is to say, our tour) took two vans; this is a much better approach to excursions than double-decker buses. Our first stop was Riomaggiore:

From here, we walked through the "Tunnel of Love" (double entendre much?) to Manarolo. Here is a view from the walkway, which was right on the cliffs:

The walk is only about a mile or so. From Manarolo we took a ferry to Vernazza, where we spent about two hours walking around and eating lunch. First we climbed up the tower:

After that, we got some simple pizzas at a cafe and finished off with some more gelato. Once our two hours were up, we were picked up by the vans and driven to Corniglia, the last of our stops (we didn't go to the fifth Terre). On the way back, we stopped to take in a view of the terraced hillside:

It was really quite amazing that almost all the available land was terraced and worked (mostly grapes, some olive trees and probably some other crops). What was even more amazing is that we made it home alive after having been on those roads, which were barely wide enough for two vehicles on the straight parts, let alone the curves. At almost every bend, there was a mirror so that you could see if there was a car coming the other way, waiting to shove you off the cliff. Our tour guide also honked before each turn as an additional precaution. When we finally did make it back around 5 or 6pm, we were quite exhausted, so we took a nap, which turned into going to sleep for the night (well, I stayed up longer and watched snooker on tv; very engrossing).

Next: Day 4!

Day 2

2007-05-22T09:00:00.000-04:00

We woke up after about twelve hours of sleep and didn't have anything planned, so we consulted our guidebook for some tourist-y things to do. We ended up deciding not to go to the Uffizi or the Academia since we a) hadn't bought tickets in advance and didn't want to stand in line for two hours and b) didn't want to deal with the crowds inside either (maybe it wasn't crowded inside). So we got in line to climb Il Duomo; it took twenty minutes or a half hour to get inside, but it was worth it. Basically, you are climbing a staircase inside the wall of the church and eventually the dome on top (see previous post), so it is understandably narrow. For part of the way, the people climbing up and the people climbing down use the same staircase, so you get pretty intimate with some complete strangers. Once at the top, of course, you climb out into the open air and see Florence from above, and it is very cool.

The periodic windows inside the wall of the dome also afforded some interestingly framed views of the city.

After The Duomo, we walked around a bit and headed for the Bargello Museum. This is a museum of sculpture, and there are a number of Michelangelo and Donatello pieces, among others (you may be expecting it, but I refuse to do a TMNT joke; even I have limits). I am not a museum-philic, but it was interesting enough, I suppose. Here is one sculpture (it sure did take a long time for me to pose while it was being sculpted):

After the museum, we sought out some lunch. After what seemed like hours of searching for a Domino's, we gave up and just got some pizza at a local cafe. It was simple and good, as expected. We went back to the hotel and took a short rest, after which we headed out again to the Santa Croce (church). This is the church that is in the lower of the two pictures from atop Il Duomo above, and here:

You are allowed to take pictures inside, but not with flashes, so it was hard to get good pictures. Apparently some tombs of famous people are inside, such as Michelangelo, Machiavelli, and Enrico Fermi. It was also a little creepy how there were slabs of marbe in the floor with inscriptions, ostensibly meaning that there were ACTUAL DEAD PEOPLE beneath them. And we were literally walking on their graves.

Anyway, that was basically it for day 2, except for the dinner at our hotel, during which the people (Americans) next to us bitched about their food such that they weren't charged for their entrees (even though the woman cleaned her plate - how bad could it have been?) and then conspired to write every travel guide they knew and "warn" other people about the restaurant at this hotel. Total douchebags. I kept hoping that the guy would choke on his $40 bottle of wine, but it didn't happen.

Next: day 3!

In Italia

2007-05-19T14:33:00.001-04:00

I've been procrastinating for a while, but here it is: a synopsis of our recent trip to Florence. You may have already noticed this here.

We got in on a Sunday around noon having traveled over night, but not wanting to go to sleep and exacerbate the jet-lag. So after we checked into the hotel, we walked around a bit and came across Il Duomo:

We walked around the Duomo and got some Gelati. Supposedly this is what Italy is known for, and it was good, but I'm not sure I'd move there just so I could eat it instead of Ben & Jerry's.

After this we headed over the Arno and towards Giardino di Boboli (in English, "The Garden of Pizzas"). This is a very large residence which has a museum indoors (we didn't see it) and maybe ten million acres of landscaped grounds, including pools and a never-ending path of cypress trees.

After walking around for a couple of hours, our feets got tired and so we left. On the way back to the hotel, we stopped at a small place and ate pasta outside. Actually I didn't like the sauce - it was too oily and not very tomato-y. Finally we made it back to the hotel and practically passed out. It was only about 8pm, but this was much later than we thought we would make it. The hotel room was quite miniature, as apparently most European hotel rooms are, but seriously, we could barely fit both suitcases on the floor to open them.

Next post: Day 2!

RC coda

2007-05-09T13:58:00.000-04:00

I once related to Lanyard my wish for Roger Clemens upon his assimilation into the Yankees' organization. It was roughly this: I wished that during one of his starts, he would pitch so badly that he would become physically ill all over the pitcher's mound. Having thus evacuated his stomach in such a public fashion, he would then become so morbidly embarrassed that it would cause temporary dementia, such that his next decision would be to get down on all fours and reingest his vomit.

Now that Clemens has come out of retirement again and returned to the Yankees again, my desires are no different, except to say that I hope he had a giant bowl of spaghetti for dinner (I will entertain other possibilities, but in my experience, spaghetti vomit is the grossest of all, especially if stomach-residency is relatively brief).

I really can't think of a better way to at once declare 1) that you have little respect for your fellow players 2) that you have little respect for the fans of baseball - the ones that pay your salary and 3) that you are a pompous douchebag than by coming out of retirement in the middle of the season not once, but twice. And for what is possibly the most amount of money that a baseball player has ever been paid for a single season (yes, he doesn't actually get $28 million because he's only playing a partial season...). To anyone that says it's "not about the money," I say, "phbbbt."

I for one (and I'm sure I'm not alone) was relieved to hear that he was not going to return to the Red Sox. I truly believe that their offer of $18 million was nothing more than a gentleman's offer, one the Red Sox knew would never be accepted. For one thing it was significantly less than he made last year with the Astros - in his home state. But this way nobody can say that they didn't offer (whether if the Sox actually needed pitching they would have made a higher offer is anybody's guess).

To be fair, I will wholeheartedly disagree with the many people I have heard (or read) say that Clemens is "washed-up" or "on the way down." How he does this year remains to be seen, but there is no evidence that such a decline has actually begun. Last year his ERA was 2.30, which, if he had had enough innings to qualify, would have led the NL by about 0.60. In 2005 he did lead the NL in ERA by almost that much. No, his W-L record was not great, but through no fault of his own. All you can ask out of a (starting) pitcher is his ERA and innings pitched. So it's very easy to argue that even in the last two years he was the best pitcher in the league.

But in some way that just makes his behavior even more irritating. If he's still so good, why did he retire in the first place? Answer: to spend more time with his family. That is entirely acceptable and even applaudable, but in that case just retire and stay retired. Is he so shielded from the outside world that he can't see that all this flip-flopping is viewed as disingenuous, greedy, and self-centered? There are many who would argue, "well, if he can negotiate such a contract, then why shouldn't he?" I guess my answer is "just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should." After all this ranting, though, I'm afraid this is probably just another page in the book titled "Athletes Really Do Care about Integrity More than Money, and other Fantasies." (Simon & Schuster, 2001).

A good weekend for the Red Sox

2007-04-23T08:51:00.000-04:00

Winning three close games after having to come back from behind in each one against the Yankees almost erases the memory of last year's 5-game sweep which crushed the trachea of the Sox's playoff hopes. The only thing that could make me feel better is, oh, I don't know.... back-to-back-to-back-to-back home runs. OH WAIT!!!

I feel like Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction (being revived from overdosing).

This completes my day

2007-04-19T13:45:00.000-04:00

My Site is worth
$0

How much is your site worth?

Dropping the ball

2007-04-19T11:02:00.000-04:00

Dear Fox5,

After watching news at 10 o'clock last night, in particular the segment titled "Idol Chatter," I have this piece of advice: you may wish to proof-read the viewer (or web-surfer) comments more carefully. "Bawling" means "crying" and is what the viewer meant to write. "Balling" means having sex, and is most likely not what the viewer meant to write in (paraphrasing here, I don't remember the exact words) "You'll be able to hear me from New Jersey because I'll be balling tonight [if Sanjaya isn't/hadn't been voted off]." So funny! But also kinda gross.

Sincerely,
Thrillho

Commercial update

2007-04-06T10:30:00.000-04:00

After seeing the ad a few more times, I would like to make this correction:

The ad is for Steak-umm, so the correct lyrics are actually

"You can Steak-umm in the North,
you can Steak-umm in the South,
but the best part of all,
is when you Steak-umm in your mouth!"

which is still obscene. Even with the correct spelling, it seems that a video of this ad is nowhere to be seen, so unfortunately you have to take my word for it. Interestingly, though, this product was around 20-30 years ago, and is only now re-emerging. See here.

So that you're not disappointed, though, here is another obscene commercial which you probably have seen (so why will this ease your disappointment?):

Isn't it Ironic?

2007-03-31T07:43:00.000-04:00

Last night I was driving home and "Ina Gada Da Vida" came on the radio. Normally, this would have made me happy. But I was only three minutes away from home. I think this is an appropriate situation for Alanis Morissette to caterwaul about:

"It's like ten thousand spoons, when all you need is a knife /
It's like 'Ina Gada Da Vida' coming on the radio, three minutes before your scheduled execution /
Isn't it ironic? /
Don't you think?"

(I thought that might be too morbid, but when checking the lyrics about the knifey-spoony thing, I remembered the real song actually DOES mention execution.)

Of course the sad truth is that the song turned out to be a shitty, sell-out, three minute version of the song, AND I got stuck at the light turning left into my apartment complex, so I ended up having to search the dial for something else to fill my ears for the last minute. How's that for iron(butterfl)y?

There is "A 16-day gap in e-mail records between the Justice Department and the White House concerning the firing of U.S. attorneys." [cnn.com]

2007-03-22T08:57:00.000-04:00

In related news, Arlo Guthrie has released a 288-disk, 16-day extended jam version of his hit "Alice's Restaurant."

You can stick 'em where?

2007-03-08T22:52:00.000-05:00

Today I saw a commercial which made me happy to be alive. I swear that the transcript of the ad went (almost) exactly like this:

You can stick-em in the North,
you can stick-em in the South,
but they really taste the best,
when you stick-em in your mouth.

The ad was for some sort of bite-sized food product called stick-ems (or stick-ums or something). But holy cow, there was some colossal lack of foresight that went into creating that commercial. Sort of like when you name your child "Festicle" (or, I don't know... "Apple"). I predict it is not long for this world. I searched both Google and YouTube, and I could not find it to post here, but rest assured, as soon as I do find it, I will (stick it here).

It reminds me of that commercial for Aspercreme which was changed after a while. This is the original:

The new version says "You bet if it's AS-percreme."

I never thought that a CEO of a major corporation could be a poor-man's anybody, but

2007-03-06T15:20:00.000-05:00

Google's CEO, Eric Schmidt:

Bill Gates:

Alternate title for this post: "CEO-Ganger"

(yes, yes, I know BG isn't the CEO of Microsoft anymore - right?)

Summer time

2007-03-06T13:11:00.000-05:00

It's 20 degrees outside, and 80 degreess inside in my office. Why? Why is there a thermostat on the wall which tells us how hot it is, and which mocks us by not having any knobs or levers? I'm this close ('<->') to stripping down to my underwear, but I'm pretty sure people would object. I can't wait until summer when it will be 90 degrees outside and 60 degrees inside.

On the plus side, at least we're supposed to get some snow here tomorrow.

"Forever" stamps?

2007-02-26T14:12:00.000-05:00

See this.

First of all, are we adopting stamps now?

Second, I question the utility of this idea. Supposedly, it is thought that these stamps "would help eliminate the need to purchase 2-cent stamps and also help shrink lines at the post office." There is not and never has been a need to purchase 2-cent stamps. I have a bright idea - how about: purchase 1-cent stamps! This protects you from any particular rate increase because the probability of the USPS increasing the rate by an amount which is not an integer multiple of 1.0 cents is effectively zero. And is it really that much more of a burden to put two or three 1-cent stamps on a letter instead of one 2- or 3-cent stamps? I submit, no.

In addition, I don't buy that lines will magically shrink because of these forever stamps. To begin with, I would be surprised if the purchasing of stamps accounted for more than five percent of the total customer transaction time. The majority of the transaction time consists of, as I'm sure anyone who has been in a post office would agree, sending packages. Especially when forms have not yet been filled out, or inconsiderate douchebags actually ask the teller to pack their packages for them! But beyond this low fraction of stamp-buying time, there already exist multiple methods of purchasing stamps without waiting in the normal lines: automatic stamp dispensers in (most) every post office, the APCs in many post offices now (I recommend using these for packages - very simple and fast!), and even at some ATMs, grocery stores, etc. So how, exactly, will the lines be shortened?

Failing all that, let's assume as a last argument that lines will be shortened because people won't have to buy 2-cent stamps any more. The USPS is proposing to issue stamps that can be purchased at today's rate and used tomorrow. Again, there is a simpler way: if the rate is now 41 cents, just don't return to sender letters with 39 cent stamps! See! No need to design and print a whole new set (or sets) of stamps! No need to increase the beauracracy.

Finally, there's one important assumption I make that was not clear in the article. Would the forever stamps cost the same as the current rate stamps, or more? If more, then no one would buy them (I know I wouldn't - would you?). If the same, then it doesn't seem to me to be a sensical business decision - the USPS would lose money and/or have to make the rate hikes larger, causing greater sticker shock in a society which already exhibits a bizarre overreaction to small and infrequent postage increases. And can you imagine the people that would buy and hoard vast quantities of stamps today, hoping to sell them for great profits in 10 or 20 years (or more!) when if they just put that same amount of money into bonds they would be almost guaranteed to make more money? (ebay2k50: "LOT OF 500 FOREVER 4EVER 4EVA USPS STAMPS UNCANCELLED - GREAT DEAL 4 U! NO RESERVE!")

In short: Why?Why?Why?

I have snow envy.

2007-02-14T14:12:00.000-05:00

All we got down here was a lousy 1/4 inch of snow followed by a bunch of rain/sleet/freezing rain. What a let-down! The tv keeps taunting me with its snow total graphics, and Binghamton thumbs its nose at me as if it thinks it's cock of the snow-covered walk! 10-18 inches it is supposed to get/have gotten! Meanwhile Plainsboro's official total for the year must be about 4 inches.

I'm not joking about the snow envy, by the way. I literally feel a combination of anger, frustration, sadness, and general anxiety when I see the satellite pictures where I'm in the pink zone, and well out of the white zone. Last night I looked out the window every ten minutes to see if our fortunes had changed: "no, it's still freezing rain... if that." Is it normal to be so emotionally affected by the weather? ALL I'M ASKING FOR IS SOME FREAKIN' SNOW!

If you saw Epic Movie between 2.3.2007 and 2.13.2007

2007-02-13T08:20:00.000-05:00

I am sorry. Because I did not do my duty to warn you as early as I could have to NOT SEE THIS MOVIE. Under no circumstances should it happen. Except, possibly, if you are extremely drunk, and it's on DVD, and someone else paid for the rental. Or, if you find yourself watching MTV all the time and thinking "wow, this original programming is really the best thing that cable has to offer; in fact, if my cable company would let me, I would subscribe to MTV and no other station." Really, I think it should have been released as a made-for-MTV movie (like Toge+her, but worse).

Here are a few helpful tips for "2 of the 6 writers of Scary Movie" (or x of the y, I am not sure of the exact numbers; whatev. er.)
1) Don't drag out jokes or make them more obvious than necessary. Example. At the beginning of the movie, during the DaVinci Code parody, there was the following text on a painting: "So lame the hair of Tom." Okay, that's pretty funny, haha, yes, yes. But then there is no need to pan over to another painting which shows Tom's "lame hair" from the movie. Just accept the fact that some of the audience won't get the text and move on. Making it more obvious just alienates the viewers that did get it.

2) There are some things that are funny once and only once. Or, at the very least, only once per movie. Take for example referring to a character by the name of some other character the actor is perhaps better-known for. This happened both with "Stifler's Mom" and "Kumar" (of White Castle). In fact, I would say you shouldn't have even done it once. It was funny in Mallrats. But after that, it had been done. (Maybe it was done before Mallrats, but if so, in a movie I haven't seen.)

In addition, for their parody of Pirates of the Carribean, the pirate's name is "Jack Swallows." That was kind of funny when it was a skit on Saturday Night Live! Ostensibly, this is not plagiarism because JS was apparently played by Darrell Hammond (at least in EM).

3) Enough with the poor man's replacements for actors (primarily somebody for Anna Farris, but also every other actor parodied). Can't you come up with original characters? This movie imitated "3 out of the 4 original characters in Scary Movie."

4) At least try for continuity. All I'm asking for is a little effort. The only continuity this movie had were the awful running jokes of the main characters.

I should have known when we walked into the theater and there were about 10 other people there. I thought to myself, "how can it be so empty when just last week it was the top of the Box Office?" I was about to find out. Why didn't you warn me!? I blame you!

What is your favorite part about doing laundry?

2007-02-07T12:31:00.000-05:00

Mine is the part where you clean out the lint screen. It's amazing sometimes how much your clothes shed. I'll bet there is enough sometimes to knit an entire sock. But even more fascinating to me is what this phenomenon implies, if you take it to its logical limit. One day, you will go to get your clothes out of the dryer, BUT THERE WILL BE NOTHING LEFT! The last of your clothes will have disintegrated and gone to their final resting place in your lint trap. Better buy some new clothes.

My Two Favorite People of the Day

2007-02-01T18:30:00.000-05:00

These guys

Quotes from the story:

"[They] said they were taking questions only about 1970s hairstyles."

"When a reporter accused them of not taking the situation seriously, Stevens responded, 'We're taking it very seriously.' Asked another question about the case, Stevens reiterated they were answering questions only about hair and accused the reporter of not taking him and Berdovsky seriously."

And the best, "Reporters did not relent and as they continued, Berdovsky disregarded their queries, saying, 'That's not a hair question. I'm sorry.' "

I would have had one more suggestion: "We are taking this situation seriously; we're just not taking this news conference seriously."

Without going on at length, here is a summary of my opinion of the whole thing (because you care):
1) The city was right to take the objects seriously and take action as they did.
2) The city was wrong to then overreact, especially with the benefit of more time, by pressing charges against the two. Those two did not cause a panic, the city caused a panic (and how much "panic" was there, really?)
3) The judge seems to be the only one in the system that is thinking rationally: "Judge Paul K. Leary told Grossman that, according to law, the suspects must intend to create a panic to be charged with placing hoax devices.... It appears the suspects had no such intent, the judge said." This bodes well for the near future for our mischievous friends.
4) I have never seen this show. Is it worth watching?

Point-Counterpoint

2007-01-31T12:57:00.000-05:00

Funny:

Not Funny:

Yay! Snow!

2007-01-29T13:08:00.000-05:00

Hey, we actually got some measurable snow last night! Not a lot, but it's a good start, even if it is almost February. To celebrate I stopped by the Plainsboro Preserve on the way to work/school to take some pictures. Here are some.

Hoo-Ray!

2007-01-18T14:35:00.000-05:00

It is actually, finally, really, snowing outside! Oh happy day! Of course, if it doesn't accumulate, then it's wasted. But still, it is promising.

A New Awards Ceremony

2007-01-18T10:23:00.000-05:00

I think there should be an awards ceremony, similar to the Darwin awards, but instead of for stupidity, for specious reasoning. The awards themselves can be called "Species." (Wait, the Darwin awards aren't already called that, right?)

At any rate, the inaugural award for "Most offensive specious reasoning in a television commercial" would go to Progressive Insurance. You know, the one that goes (roughly), "If they're this helpful now, imagine how helpful they'll be once you're a customer!" Granted, this is an old commercial, but I haven't griped about it in pseudo-public yet. Did the writers/producers really think that people would sit in front of their TVs and say, "wow, why hadn't I thought of that before! That makes so much sense! I'm going to get Progressive insurance now!"

Unfortunately, the answer must be yes, since this ad has been on for so long.

Sporty

2007-01-15T09:48:00.000-05:00

First, those few readers which actually forget that I haven't posted in forever and accidentally check this page will probably not care one whit about this subject, so sorry! But with luck this will be the first of regular posts to come, so take hope in that. Also, at least I have been posting pictures to flickr regularly! (see sidebar)

Yay Patriots! Yay four awesome games of football. Three decided by a field goal each, and one decided by seven and no TDs. No STDs either, as far as I am aware. And now the Pats are just an Indianapolos away from another Super Bowl appearance. I like their chances against Indy more than their chances against San Diego, but it is absolutely no guarantee. It is only Monday morning and I am already losing sleep over next Sunday.

In other sports, I thought it was very interesting that in the first day of the Australian Open, only 3 of 16 seeded players lost (is that below average?), and all three losses came at the hands of Americans. And there were no other Americans playing seeded players (that, by induction, would have lost). I emphasize that I find this interesting and nothing more; it would be just as notable if the same were true for the Russians, although of course as a default I will root for the Americans. At any rate, today there are five Americans playing seeded players, but one of them is playing Nadal, so look for them to not continue the same pattern.

Did I mention how I love the Australian Open because the live matches happen at night here, so I don't have to skip work to watch it?

Blogsplosion

2006-11-28T11:15:00.000-05:00

Three posts in one day? Is this the first sign of the Apocalypse?

I would like to offer my unofficial congratulations to all involved in the Mars Rovers project. Both have now been on Mars for over 1000 Mars-days. This is approximately 1025 Earth-days. They are still going, and now that the Martian Winter is waning, it is quite possible that they will last another 300 days or more, barring mechanical failure. The pictures of Victoria Crater are inspiring. (See sidebar link.) It just boggles my mind to comprehend the engineering effort that went in to making this happen, and making it happen so well. The only problem is that this may now be used as the new benchmark of success in the media, and subsequent missions (e.g. MSL rover in 2009/2010), even if surpassing their design lifetimes, could still be considered by some to be failures.

By the way, now that the rovers have lived to see the arrival of MRO, is it possible that they will still be there when Phoenix lands? That would be incredible, but I wouldn't bet against it.

Side Note: I found it hilarious that there was a S(ol)1K bug in the image viewing webpages. Because 1000 comes alphabetically before 999, you had to scroll down to the bottom to see the most recent images! This was quickly fixed, but amusing still.

Rules are for tight-wads.

2006-11-28T10:41:00.000-05:00

Maybe you've seen this "offbeat" article.

Essentially, a bunch of ignoramuses complained that a wreath which is in the shape of a peace sign (the circle, not the fingers) and hung on the outside of a house was a protest of the Iraq war (possible, as a stretch), and/or (get this) "a symbol of Satan." Now, even a pentagram is not inherently "a symbol of Satan," but I can only assume that those people thought that that's what the peace sign was. As bad as this may seem, it is worse.

The president of this particular Homeowner's Association "ordered the committee to require [the offender] to remove the wreath," but the committee let saner minds prevail and "refused after concluding that it was merely a seasonal symbol that didn't say anything." Subsequently, "[the president] fired all five committee members."

Fortunately for this particular homeowner, because of the national media attention and subsequent pressure from anyone with the ability to reason, the three-member "board" (whether a different committee or the newly replaced committee) withdrew its request. But every case like this cannot get national attention, and there must be many more where this one came from. The solution is actually quite simple: don't put up with bullshit rules. I will never live in a "community" which imposes any rules in addition to the local, state, and federal laws (renting is of course a different case). I hope that you, readers (2? 3?), will make similar pledges. If no one bought houses in such communities, they wouldn't exist!

To whom that stole my mouse.

2006-11-28T10:20:00.000-05:00

I. Will. Keel. Yous.

(Disclaimer: I don't know if the title is grammatically correct or not. It's 4th-and-inches and I'm punting.)

Yesterday I moved my computer back up to my old desk (the desk has not been occupied by anyone else in the meantime), but I did not set it up; I just dumped the stuff and left. This morning I came to dust and clean the desk and set up the computer, and when it came time to plug in the mouse, lo! The mouse was nowhere! No mouse was there! I searched every drawer and facet of both my new (old) desk and my interim desk, which I had just cleaned off yesterday, but the mouse was still nowhere! I don't specifically remember putting the mouse down anywhere, but I can't imagine where I would have put it, if not at either desk. I didn't bring it home with me. Therefore, the only logical conclusion is that SOME STICKY-FINGERED FELLOW GRAD STUDENT LIFTED IT IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT. The thing is, this room has a code to enter, so with great probability the thief is a denizen of this same office. So I think the most sensical course of action is to defecate on each desk until the guilty person returns my mouse. I will report on the success or failure of this stratagem.

But in the meantime, I have more to complain about. I borrowed a temporary mouse so that I could actually use the computer, but when I booted up, lo! The network was nowhere! There was no network anywhere! I could not even connect to the local domain, so I suspect that the connection is bad at my desk (I don't know why they would have disconnected the connection at this particular location, though). Fortunately, I have a wireless antenna, so all was not lost, and here I sit now, posting on Blogger through the aether. I guess I have to go to OIT and poop on their desk, too.

Jon Lovitz or Jared?

2006-11-17T10:54:00.000-05:00

Which person is more likely to cause me to never eat at Subway again?

It's that time of every two years again

2006-10-19T08:45:00.000-04:00

It's time for the political advertisements. It seems that at peak times, they take up about half of all ads during a commercial break. You'd think that having to watch 50% fewer real ads would be a good thing, but here is a list of things I would rather do than watch political advertisements:

1. Drink bleach.
2. Eat bleach (You imbecile! Freeze it, then cut it!)
3. Hug a cactus.
4. Fornicate with a cactus.
5. Cultivate my own foie gras (i.e. my own) and sell it on ebay.
6. Sleep in an iron maiden.
7. Listen to Iron Maiden (jk, I don't even know any of their songs, but it was a funny progression)
8. Play the victim on any Law & Order: SVU episode. IRL.
9. Try to shoot myself in the head with a nail gun and not realize it for ten years.
10. Go through the telepods in "The Fly" before they were perfected.

And so on.... They are all bad, but what is particularly hilarious is that, at least here in New Jersey, I haven't seen any ads for any particular Republicans! All the ads for republicans take aim at a particular democrat, but do not actually endorse any specific republican! The only logical conclusion is that the RNC believes that showing their candidates' faces will actually hurt their chances. At any rate, how am I supposed to feel motivated to go out and vote when all I want to do is punch these politicians in the collective face? (and zoom a zoom zoom and a boom boom)

Pet Peeve #0x23b4a

2006-10-17T08:51:00.000-04:00

For this installment of Thrillho's Pet Peeves, I bring you the following: throwing your cigarette butt (or anything else, for that matter, but particularly butts) out of your car window. Why? Why would anyone do it? I can hypothesize a few reasons.

1. Putting the butt in the ashtray will make the car smell like cigarette smoke.

2. There is no ashtray in the car.

3. The individual under question either does not realize that his/her actions have direct and indirect effects on other people and places, or he/she knows this but either doesn't care, or derives some sort of pleasure from doing it anyway.

4. It is too much of a hassle to have to clean out the ashtray once it gets full.

5. It's cool to show the world that you know how to flick your butt nonchalantly out your car window.

In my opinion (of course), not one of these is valid. If 1, tough. If you want to smoke, fine, but don't keep your own personal environment clean at the expense of everyone else's. If 2, then get a freakin' ashtray. If 3, wake up. If 4, see 1. If 5, see 3. This is not 1985 anymore.

Stay tuned for next week's installment: "Driving to the end of the extra lane when merging onto a highway before actually merging, just to get a few cars ahead."

Why do they do this every time?

2006-10-12T18:08:00.000-04:00

Okay, a plane crashes into a building and you, a news station, want to help people understand exactly what happened, so you make a little "virtual re-enactment" complete with 3d buildings. Okay. However, is it really necessary in your virtual re-enactment to have a virtual explosion, and virtual flames shooting out of the virtual apartments? I submit, no. Besides, if you're going to go that route, you may as well make it complete. Where is the virtual passport fluttering down to the ground? Where is the virtual distress call?

Flickr? I hardly know'er!

2006-10-04T08:42:00.000-04:00

Here are a few pictures from my Flickr site I just started.

This bunny rabbit was only about 10 feet away; apparently we didn't frighten him/her.

This is a black-throated green warbler (not a guarantee). It's amazing how easy it is to identify warblers when you can take a picture home and do it there. It's dark because the exposure time was 1/500s, which is fortunate, because otherwise it would have been much more blurry.

These turkeys were in the path ahead of us, but as we got closer they wandered into the woods. Don't worry, turkeys, it's not November yet!

Oh yeah, by the way, the site is Here. Of course, if you're reading this, then you probably know about it already.

It's Been so Long!

2006-10-03T10:46:00.000-04:00

Anyway, there is a current CNN.com article (Side note: why do I still read CNN.com?) with the headline "Bush plans conference on school shooting." In a surpise move, I have been given in advance the transcript of this conference (let's assume it's a press conference, okay? This is satire.) It follows.

"We have seen in these past weeks horrendous tragedies unfold in schools across the country. It used to be the case that we would find it shocking that this kind of tragedy would occur at a nice, wealthy, suburban high school. And now, this has happened at none other than an Amish school. There is no less likely school where we would expect this kind of thing to happen. There is only one explanation: the terrorists have infiltrated us to our core. This calls for swift and decisive action. I am the decider. And the Actioner. Effective immediately, metal detectors will be installed at all Amish schoolhouses, along with armed guards. Liquids will also not be permitted inside Amish schoolhouses. Amish folks will be required to purchase televisions and watch them so that they are kept aware of the latest terrorism developments and how best to do their part to protect Amurica. The safety of our nation is more important than the Amish way of shunning electricity.

"Also effective immediately, I am creating a new Department of Amish Homeland Security. Heading this department will be Rep. Mark Foley, and he is the only man capable of this important job, so everyone must give him their unrelenting support. Finally, as a last necessary measure, we will be requiring all Amish men to be clean-shaven, because you can't spot a terrorist as easily in a group of bearded men. Similarly, we will be requiring that all Amish women grow thick beards, as a terrorist woman would never grow a beard (hence, of course, any clean-shaven women left over must be terrorists. Simple and effective!)"

Wow! Such controversy! I can't wait to read about this controversy on CNN.com!

Homeward Bound

2006-09-11T22:34:00.000-04:00

Only one more day of work before I get to go home! Yay! Of course, about twelve hours after my flight lands, I have my first class, and a lot of work looms over the next three months, but still, it will be good to be back.

The only bad thing is that tomorrow is presentation day. I also have to finish my report, which is only half done; though at least the report doesn't have to be polished. No one is really going to read it anyway (it's not for publication or anything), and I can always polish it up after I get back. Hmm, I also have to hope that I can get some more results for the presentation tomorrow. In any event, it is an hour long, and then it is over, no matter how badly it goes, right? Right?

Here is a short list of what I have to look forward to when I get back:
1) The Wife.
2) The birds.
3) The new lens, with which I will take pictures to be posted here.
4) The computer parts, including a sweet new Core2Duo E6600, which will be assembled into a new desktop.
5) The pile of unopened mail.
6) My car.
7) Did I mention The Wife?

Pong?

2006-09-04T01:20:00.000-04:00

Normally, I don't make note of commercials, but this one is funny:

p.s. Sorry, Agassi, that you couldn't pull it off today....

Can you say "catheter"?

2006-09-03T02:22:00.000-04:00

Ouch!

Sharpie strikes again

2006-08-30T02:00:00.000-04:00

Oh, some people are just too witty for their own good. Today as I was riding on the train I noticed that someone had, in a burst of maturity, or possibly sobriety, or both, modified the sign on the door that used to read, "For the safety and convenience of all passengers, please do not sit on the stairs." Now it reads, "For the safety and convenience of all passengers, please do it on the stairs." Why don't you go write "don't" or "Bush" or "war" or "sex" on a stop sign? (The last was actually an example from my neighborhood when I was young. Was the author proposing that we deliberately sabotage the survival of our own species?)

I'll admit, I enjoyed a chuckle at first, but then I was saddened because the realization that a fellow human being had thought nothing of defacing public property set in. Tonight I will cry myself to sleep; it's okay, tomorrow is another day.

Did you know you can fold a 1$ bill so that it reads, "The testes of America"? Now you know!

My hero.

2006-08-22T23:33:00.000-04:00

My lifelong ambition has always been to look like this guy:

I don't Poincare about your worthless medal!

Also, to prove P=NP.

Nintendo, are you interested?

2006-08-19T00:19:00.000-04:00

Here is an idea for a new game that I thought of while riding the light rail to work this morning: "Personal Space Invaders."

This is how you play. You ride the light rail, and when a person invades your personal space, you shoot him/her with your laser gun. Fun!

(Sorry if I stole that name from someone else - I don't think I did, but I could be wrong.)

I don't think this is what Harry E. Bay envisioned

2006-08-15T02:39:00.000-04:00

Go to ebay and search for "name our baby" (but without the quotes). Go ahead and do it. There are 4 or 5 current auctions, and a few have ended. This isn't even new; the first time this happened was about a year ago. Does anyone else think it is repulsive to sell out your unborn child (I mean... sack of undifferentiated cells) in such a manner?!

The funniest part is that the original listings were for $15,000, and now there is one for $4,500. It's not enough that people are willing to sell out their children, but they're willing to do it for less money than it will cost to put the children through therapy in 10 to 20 years!

I have a suggestion for all those who have such listings: go search for potato chips which resemble Egyptian pharaohs.

Alternate title for this entry: "Hey, GoldenPalace.com, your name is my name too!"

Oh, I'm supposed to put a title on my entry.

2006-08-12T01:58:00.000-04:00

Welcome!

This will be a blog like any other blog. I will post my thoughts on selected current events, on happenings in my life, or on the most recent random useless topic which has occupied my brain. I will refrain from posting disparaging comments about people whom I actually know, not because I think it is wrong, but for fear of those people finding out (obviously none of those potential people is you). Occasionaly, I may envision someone as a snail, and then make disparaging comments about the snail.

Also, I am a lamewad when it comes to committing to these types of things, so I apologize in advance if a week or two goes by without any update.

Sincerely,

2006-08-12T01:40:00.000-04:00

Hello!

My namesake, in case you were wondering: